11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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