But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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