Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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