I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
