maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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