She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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