would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
