This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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