oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
