Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
