You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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