this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
