This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize