did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
