We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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