Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
