Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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