she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
