We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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