How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
