Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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