haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
