Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
