Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
