My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
