If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
