You're so nebulous sometimes
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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