No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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