And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
