I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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