Someone shit on the floor
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize