I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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