we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
