I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
