Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
