I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
