Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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