Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
