Who wears a wallet chain?!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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