We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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