Duck Duck Cougar?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
