party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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