I'm jealous of your bromance
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just want to make out with him forever
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
