i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
