Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
