Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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