i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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