I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
