dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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