If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize