I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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