Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
