No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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