she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
