I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
