I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
