It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
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He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
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I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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