You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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