Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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