You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She is in my trunk
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
as a side note pls kill me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
