this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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