im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
