im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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