So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
We smell like vodka and hangover
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