so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize