Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
