I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
