you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
